A Few Thoughts on the Oscars...

As I'm crying now with the format of the Best Supporting Actress winner Penelope Cruz who looks AMAZING!!! I have to put in a few thoughts. Plus, let me get in there that Hugh Jackman is the best host EVER! That opening was delicious, hilarious, and completely charming!

Angie's emerald's OMGOSH, I hope I get a closer look later. And what a surprise, she was wearing black. Newsflash Angie...it's getting old! Apparently SJ Parker thought this was costume party and dressed up as Glinda the Good Witch. It hurts me to say that about SJP but seriously! And who knew that Survivor was having a celebrity edition starring Amy Adams? Not me! Why the necklace Amy...WHY???

Let's talk about age inappropriateness Miley Cyrus and Vanessa Anne Hudgens. MC looks like a mermaid ate a bunch of Swarovski crystals then threw up on her and I'm questioning if Charlize Theron could even pull off that Haute Couture VAH is dressing up in. Why is she at the Oscar's anyway? Wait...her performance in High School Musical 3 was life changing, I had forgotten...right.

Not that I'm surprised but I was again so embarrassed for Mr. Valentino, as I am every time he leaves his spray-tan booth, that he is now certifiably made of pure keratin. Apparently Sophia Loren has been sharing the spray-tan booth with Valentino. So unfortunate. Jessica Biel needs to crawl back in to the doghouse from whence she came...WOOF! It's hard to make her look good anyway but her shiny white dress isn't helping matters. Maybe she's trying to slip Justin Timberlake a not-so-subtle tip that she's ready to get married. Was Brittany Spears worse...I honestly don't know!?

Rob Pattinson takes my breath away. My greatest excitement of the night is knowing that he had taken a shower beforehand...I was really nervous about this but he came through for me, YAY! Mouth-wateringness! Speaking of cleanliness, Ben Stiller as Joaquin Phoenix was perfection, although he was actually more engaged than JP really was on Letterman, interesting. Apparently Adrian Brody is working on his own Joaquin Phoenix impression...gross! Speaking of Mickey Rourke...when they were yapping about his nomination I was looking to other way because I couldn't watch the tainted television then I truly realized the genius of this broadcast. The Oscar people sat Rob Pattinson right behind Crazy Rourke so that I could gaze into his loveliness while they yapped on and on about Crazy Rourke. Genius!

I would like to personally thank Natalie Portman for wearing a color! She looked lovely in pink and I really appreciated the fact that she wasn't wearing black or some shade of nude. That's gets old too! Even though I'm over the neutral colors in dresses this year, I'm completely loving Natalie's neutral makeup, she was perfection tonight! Another pleasant surprise was Alicia Keys in a gorgeous lavender number...loved it! Let's remember who we're talking about here...this girl is not a fashionista by any stretch of the word but some stylist somewhere made her look remarkably incredible. WOW!

Is Amanda Seyfried going to the prom later? Another question for her...are you wearing the same dress as Jessica Biel but in red? Both dresses are bordering on the ugliest things I have ever had the misfortune to lay my eyes on but the fact that they are so similar and worn by such homely actresses makes me giggle.

I AM SO MAD! I was excited that they were doing a movie musical montage until I realized who the talentless hag singing was...Beyonce...I quit this mess! ARGH, it's getting worse! The tards from High School Musical...so that's why they let them in...ah ha! I also just realized that Joel Grey, my personal king of Broadway, had to have been backstage during that hot mess. Joel Grey, I apologize that you had to witness that...I apologize to myself that I had to witness that.

I wouldn't have thought that Queen Latifah and Reese Witherspoon would be in the same category in my stream of consciousness here but they do share a common thread on Oscar night...they both look like shiny gift-wrapped blueberries! Reese, what are you doing to me here?!!! I do want to put Reese in another category with someone else, that category is...dresses that look better from the back. The other member of that illustrious group is Kate Winslet. Kate wasn't horrible but better from the back (that's what she said! HA!). And Reeze, please explain the blue eyeshadow and middle-part in your hair...I don't understand. Seriously, I don't understand.

Best dressed of the night: Marion Cotillard

Worst Dressed: hard one to call...everyone wearing a mermaid skirt w/train...Tilda Swinton, Whoopie Goldberg (did she attack a cheetah on the way in?), Sophia Loren, Amy Adams (it hurts me, it really does)

Finally, Congratulations Kate Winslet...you should have won for Titanic!!!