Monday, October 27, 2008

Thanks But No Thanks

These pictures really speak for themselves..."Hmmm, whose support can I do without and whose support of me would be really embarrassing in that they are trying to influence peoples political choices? Pete Wentz would be one, Kim Kardashian another, and that indestructible cheerleader, she's the worst! Thanks "celebrities" for your support, but no thanks, really." - statement by Barak Obama .

Sorry indestructible cheerleader, I really like you, I'm just reporting what Obama said...

Stupid Things Lindsay Lohan Has Done This Week

I thought if we broke this topic up in to weekly segments, it might be a bit more manageable. Don't want to write an entire novel for a single post.

Two particularly stupid things this week: #1., ...and I quote, "At some point, I want to adopt a kid - a child in need or a newborn from another country." Note to children in need and newborns in other, run as fast as you can. Hide, do not come out no matter what they promise you. If you are unable to run due to being a child in need or a newborn...crawl, crawl as fast as you can and hide. If an American with large sunglasses approaches, that is the time to take the cyanide pill, I've hidden one in each of your pacifier handles for emergencies. Idiocy #2, Lindsay Lohan is starting her own line of...wait for it comes...leggings! Yes, leggings. My favorite pair has knee pads built in, literally. How appropriate is that? They cost $132.00...for leggings...with knee pads...designed by Lindsay Lohan. Another "gem" of a pair of leggings is metallic...that's right...metallic leggings... that cost $99.00...designed by Lindsay Lohan. If anyone knows the number to Hell, call and let me know if it's frozen over or not.

By the by, I will be launching my own line of scrunchies in the Spring. They will cost ten million dollars each. I am currently taking orders.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

News from the world of I TAKE MYSELF WAY TOO SERIOUSLY!

This has been in the works for months, Beyonce entering my list of the most moronic celebutards, currently including Paris Hilton and Tom Cruise, and now it's officially happened. I wasn't ready to pull the trigger when I found out she's really 75 years old and claims she's 27 (her birth certificate clearly states that she was born in 1974, not 1981 as she has been claiming since, well, I guess 1981.) Nor was it time when, after she married Jay-Z, she said, “people put too much emphasis on that. It’s just material and it’s just silly to me,” referring to an engagement ring. She is now sporting a $5 million, 18 carat diamond ring by the by. All of this is clear idiocy but she has just put the icing on her own cake of stupidity with her latest announcement that we are now to call her "Sasha Fierce." HA! I literally have no sarcastic comment to make on this because it is just TOO moronic to justify with a snarky remark.

By the way, I will only answer to Lakeisha Intense from now on. That's Ms. Intense to you!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

No, No, No!!!!! SJP is the ONLY Carrie Bradshaw!!!

Candace Bushnell, author of Sex and the City, is writing a prequel to the book and it's going to deal with Carrie's teenage years. YAY for that! I'm curious about it though, here are my title ideas: Sex and the Suburbs; Carrie Bradshaw: before every thing that defines her came in to her life and we are left with nothing but a hollow shell of a character; Dear God, It's Me, Carrie. Just a few ideas I thought I'd toss out there if you needed some inspiration Candace. As my second title suggests, I don't see how this is going to work minus Miranda, Charlotte, and Samantha, Big and NYC. Is the book going to be based on of Carrie from the original book or from the six seasons of SJP playing Carrie? Guess we'll have to wait and see.

My huge objection comes in when I read that Candace Bushnell has said that Miley Cyrus would be "adorable" playing a teenaged Carrie. No, no, no!!! No, Hannah Montana can not play Carrie Bradshaw, that is the worst idea I've heard all day. In fact, no one can play the younger Carrie. SJP IS CARRIE BRADSHAW!!! Unless some technology is developed to take about 25 years off SJP for her to be the teenaged Carrie, it won't work, just will not work. I won't have it and I might be forced to add Candace Bushnell to my boycott list that now only includes Tom Cruise and Paris Hilton. Candace, that is not a list you want to be on, you'd be in v. bad company!

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

I do want to say first of all that I did not write this but it is too funny not to post immediately! Although I have added a few "answers" of my own.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?

A:BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!

JOE BIDEN: For the love of everything holy...are they going to make me debate the chicken? Note to self...don't bully the chicken, don't bully the chicken.

JOHN MC CAIN: My friends that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

SARAH PALIN: In Alaska we call chickens Russian Polar Bears, don't ya know. Surely all you Joe-six-packs out there know that we're not talking about a road here, it's a bridge, a bridge to Russia, or no where as the liberal elite media likes to say.

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. Then, this really is not about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We do not really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where is my gun?

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of crossing?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken will not realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he is acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he is guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: That chicken crossed the road to steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmers Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road,
But why it crossed I have not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth? That is why they call it the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. In addition, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay, too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out the abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like the other side. That chicken should not be crossing the road. It is as plain and as simple as that.

GRANDPA: In my day, we did not ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but also will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Katie Fforde Makes Me Happy

For those of you not familiar with fabulous author extraordinaire Katie Fforde, let me illuminate you. Fforde is the best-selling British novelist who is not as popular in the US as I think she should be (and if I say it, right...). If ever you need a guaranteed make you happy light read, pick any of the zillions of books she has written (literally approx. 14 novels, most of which I've devoured), plop down on the couch in comfy stretchy pants and a cup of coffee in hand, and GO! I promise you won't be able to stop!

Fforde writes with a common formula in her books, but it never disappoints. Here's the basic plot line...somewhere in the British countryside lives a woman who, for whatever mishaps of circumstance, finds herself in, well, not the best situation. Enter a man who on first glance seems a rogue but, come to find out, he's really the answer to her problems, of course. Hilarity ensues. Please don't be put off by the Cindarellaishness of this v. short explanation...Fforde's women are strong, sassy, and can take care of themselves...they just happen to let men take part as well. If her heroins lived in the U.S. they would definitely be Southerners...the heros too for that matter. In Fforde's rural English countryside, I have found kindred spirits in her heroins. Kindred with both myself and Scarlett O'hara...what better complement to Fforde's writing could there be?

Some of my favorites: Highland Fling, Wild Designs, Stately Pursuits, Second Thyme Around

Victoria Beckham is a Man

It's official...Victoria Beckham has literally turned herself into an eleven year old boy! There are several disturbing aspects to this News Flash. #1 Her clothes weigh more than she does...she's going to have to hire an assistant to start carrying her around because she won't be able to walk with the Louboutin's on. #2 Not that she didn't look like a prepubescent boy before, but this haircut just seals the deal. Apparently she and Katie Holmes, a.k.a. Tom's prisoner, are in a contest to see who can look more like a young child...sorry Katie, I think VB wins. #3 David Beckham is unquestioningly gorgeous but one has to wonder what kind of weird stuff he's in to if he is turned on by a "woman" (thing) that looks like this. You can't be a sexy soccer star and be married to's nonsensical and, well, just gross. #4 Not only has VB transformed herself into the aforementioned eleven year old boy...he's also, apparently, a tranny! I hope I haven't offended any transsexuals out there. Don't worry trannys, you all look WAY better than this.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Molly McDonald Designs

I wanted to post some of my favorite artwork from an upcoming artist, Molly McDonald. She works with lots of technological art things that I don't really understand but I do know that the results are fabulous! I do understand the photography and pen drawing...but that is the extent of my artistic repertoire...cameras and ball point pens! I leave the technical stuff to the professionals.

Her prints are currently available at

She also does custom work...oh, to have the money to patronize an day! Fingers crossed that a smart gallery will show her work and help get her name out there...she rocks!

Stupid Things "celebrities" Said This Week

"I asked to leave public school. I was kind of bullied...Everyone signed a petition that said WE ALL HATE DEMI LOVATO." Demi Lovato (obviously).

Hey Demi, doesn't Miley Cyrus hate you too? If Hannah Montana hates you, and everyone at your school hates you, you might need to look inwards, it's looking like the chances are good that you're just not likable.

"I don't really want to be famous, and I'm kind of scared that might be happening." Michael Cera

OK, I don't know who Michael Cera is so, Michael, don't worry, you're not THAT famous! Here's a tip though, don't want to be famous? Try a different career (apparently he's an actor)! See, most people aren't famous so just refrain from acting, singing, or playing professional sports and you'll be fine, no need to be afraid, it will all be OK.

P.S. Oh, Cera is that dorky guy from Juno...interesting. This quote is so ironic considering that everyone knows who Ellen Page is. Oh wait, she really is famous!

Neutrogena Wants to be Clinique

I have noticed in the last few months that Neutrogena, drug store brand extraordinaire, has been copying Clinique's print ads and their product packaging. Yes, I know Clinique is awesome, but shouldn't Neutrogena develop their own marketing campaign instead of parading as a cheaper version of Clinique? Neutrogena has even tricked the Indistructable Cheerleader herself to hock their "new" customized skincare. PLEASE! Clinique has been using those exact words since the 1960's. News flash Neutrogena, it's only NEW to you.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Peep-toe Shoes Hurt!

Every time I wear a pair of peep-toe shoes, which I will say can be v. fabulous, I end up with one or more of my toes on the verge of being completely severed from the rest of my foot. So I started to wonder about the nature of peep- toe shoes. Are they inherently evil or is it possible to have a peep-toe shoe that I can wear for more than an hour without blood being involved? I don't have a simple answer to this question but I do have the convincing evidence that in my MANY years of wearing fabulous shoes...peep-toes seem to be my kryptonite. I have never found a pair that doesn't rub, scrape, pull, or blister my feet and, believe me, I've tried MANY times. I love the look of them but I'm becoming discouraged with the whole business. Will my toes have to be locked away in pumps forever?

Maybe my feet are just deformed...

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Sara Claire & Esther..."Vintage Reimagined"

Here's the inside scoop on a fabulous new fashion line that will be debuting Spring 2009...Sara Claire & Esther. Owners Aimee Wolk and Sara Jordan couple gorgeous materials and design with vintage and trend to create gorgeous pieces with a distinctly lady-like touch. The line features one of a kind pieces highlighted by vintage fabrics and trim and other vintage goodies like buttons. Um, yummy! Aimee and Sara met at Auburn University (Alabama fabulousness!) and have interned or worked in design, merchandising and/or marketing for awesome designers such as Donna Karan, Dara Lamb, the Swatch Group, Rebecca Taylor, Walter Baker, and Tibi. Anyone gaining experience working with Rebecca Taylor is OK by me!

Who is the target client for SC&E? Straight from the fabulous and beautiful horses mouth, "The Sara Claire & Esther brand inspires confidence in classy girls who grew up loving tea parties and playing dress up. Today this girl has grown into the lady who still loves dressing up and feeling beautiful. She adores pearls, lace, romance and getting recognized for her gorgeous attire. She appreciates fine quality and detail, and regularly updates her wardrobe with flirty and tasteful pieces. " Wow, I like the SC&E lady, she sounds like me!

The Spring 2009 collection was inspired by the owner's grandmother's experiences during the 1940's in the South (I'll say that's fabulous!). Pencil skirts, men's oxford shirts reimagined with feminine details, black and white with a touch of gold and the palest of greens appear throughout the collection. The line is SO delicious. I can't wait to see what's ahead for SC&E. Pieces will be available at boutiques beginning in Spring 2009. I'm sure I will follow with more specifics as the time approaches so we can all get out there and buy our favorite pieces ASAP. I already know my favorites for the upcoming season...the First Lady Dress and the Blockade Blouse, could those names be cuter?!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Yuuuum...Rinse-off Foaming Cleanser

Please do not take the last post and this one and think that I have been brainwashed by Clinique. I have not (not that I know of anyway, but I guess that's the point). They just have some GREAT stuff. I'll get to some other brands later...promise.

There is nothing as satisfying to me as washing away a day's worth of make-up and grime with Clinique's Rinse-off Foaming Cleanser at night. It's creamy and foamy and delicious and it takes EVERYTHING off! But yet, it doesn't dry my skin...the perfect combination of everything a makeup remover should do. It's great for people with dry to oily skin. There is a gel cleanser that some people with oily skin, like mine, prefer for that squeaky-clean feeling, but that one makes my skin too dry afterwards. I don't want to literally be squeaking! A little goes a long way and it takes me forever to go through a tube of this stuff so don't worry about the cost, I promise it's worth it. Plus, if you get something from Clinique you don't like you can always take it back! OK, I'll get off my Clinique high horse go wash my face!

Clinique Three Step...Got Glow?

To steal a Clinique catch phrase...Got Glow? I DO! And it's all because of my beloved Clinique 3-step. Cleanse, exfoliate, moisturize = perfect (literally) skin.

You might be wondering if I've always been this excited about skin care and the general condition of my skin...NO! Long story, well, long. I didn't have a blemish until I was 18 then spent several years with mild acne, a blemish here and there but there was always something gross going on. Then I entered a doctoral program which quickly led to cystic acne...again, v. gross. I used every thing out there...over the counter treatments, Proactive, Dermatologist EVERYTHING, and it seemed like my skin was getting worse. Then I was on Accutane for six months. Yes, my skin was clear, but now my liver doesn't work (I don't know this for sure, that's mere speculation!). Perfect skin for right at a year then it came back...IT CAME BACK!!!

I thought, "I'll spend as much money as I can and surely that will keep these nasty blemishes away." Lancome, Murad, Mario Badescu...NOTHING. Then, after spending ridiculous amounts of money and seeing little if any results, I remembered Clinique 3-step. That's what people used in high school so I thought it was only for teenagers...WRONG! Since I was correctly skin typed by a Clinique Consultant and started using Liquid Facial Soap (oily), Clarifying Lotion (3), and Dramatically Different Moisturizing Gel, my skin has been, after say, the first month, completely clear minue maybe one tiny blemish every few months. I couldn't believe it...I spent thousands of dollars on skin care that didn't work, destroyed my liver, and Clinique had been patiently waiting there for me the entire time...waiting to clear my skin! WOW am I good at making choices.

So, what have we learned from this? Expensive does not mean effective, daily exfoliation is a freakin' miracle, and you should all be using Clinique 3-step twice a day!

Monday, October 13, 2008

Psssssst...My Favorite Product in the World!

Allow me to let you in on a secret that only myself and Ken Paves know (there might be a FEW others but this is questionable). Psssssst Instant Spray Shampoo is the greatest product ever invented. The wheel, sliced bread, they are NOTHING compared to this stuff. This angelic spray bottle allows me to go for a week without washing my hair in the shower. Before jumping to conclusions, let me tell you all the reasons why this is not gross and is, in fact, awesome.

First, it is a total pain to wash, dry and style your hair every day. It takes forever and I don't have time for it. When I was younger, maybe, but I have WAY too many responsibilities...places to go and people to do it every day. Nevertheless, I am slightly obsessive about looking nice so the thought of not washing my hair initially grossed me out. But not with Psssssst!

Psssssst absorbs the oils in your hair while it refreshes it with a light scent leaving your hair looking just the way it did the day before when you weren't too lazy to wash it. I will admit that as the days go by the options of hair do's diminish proportionately with how much Psssssst is gunked up in it but the updo options are endless. I've taken to doing a small version of the Amy Crackhouse pouf with the rest of my hair pulled in to a low ponytail. It looks really nice and there are no greasies or other signs of non-washing.

I recently read in a magazine that you can also use loose face powder to absorb the oil in your hair in a pinch but considering that I pay $18.50 for my loose powder at a cosmetics counter and this stuff is $5.99 at the drug store, I think I will continue to invest in my Psssssst.

A second reason why this is not gross is that it IS actually good for your hair. Washing your hair every day strips it of natural oils that are moisturizing and nourishing to the hair, leaving it dry and lifeless. (Am I the new spokesperson for Psssssst yet?) Psssssst lets you keep the benefits without looking greasy...nothing wrong with that! Psssssst is also good for people with naturally dry hair and scalps. We don't want to dry out our hair any more than we have to, now do we? Psssssst away my friends!

What Would Your Last Wish Be?

People magazine had the bright idea of asking celebretards if they were granted three wishes, what would their last wish be. Here are a sampling of the stimulating responses. Stephen Colbert said he would wish that America would make the right choice when voting for President...good answer. Blake Lively would want to have a hundred more wishes (giggle, giggle)...appropriate answer, although I might have gone with a thousand more or maybe half of the federal bailout money so then I wouldn't need wishes, I could buy whatever I wanted...including world peace, or, you know, whatever.

Here is where it gets interesting...People magazine asked Omar Epps and Taylor Momsen what they would wish for. Now, just to clarify, I'm not exactly sure who either of these two are. The names are familiar...maybe Gosssip Girl and an 80's sitcom? All I have confirmed however is that they are definitely handi-tards (it's from Weeds, don't get mad at me!) Omar's wish is that he won't have to pay taxes. Really Omar? That's your final wish? I'm dying to know what your first two were. Even though I'm not completely sure who you even are, I'm assuming if People is asking you a question you must have a decent amount of money. So you saying that while thousands of Americans are losing their homes, middle class families can't afford food or gasoline for their cars, the poor are getting poorer and the rich are getting richer, hundreds of thousands in Africa risk the threat of murder and starvation every day, etc., etc., you don't want to have to pay taxes on your "earnings" to help out someone else? Good answer, moron! You need to go for a long drive in your Escalade/Hummer/18-wheeler and think about what you said...MORON!

And for you Taylor Momsen...I think you are still a teenager so your brain isn't fully developed (apparently). What Taylor wishes for, more than anything else on Earth, is...

MORE TIME AT THE BEACH because you don't have to style your hair while you're at the beach. I kid you not...that's her wish and her reasoning behind it!

Couldn't she at least invite some orphans to the beach with her? Buy them a snow cone? Maybe she could buy a stretch of beach, build small one room houses with running water and electricity and move half of Rawanda to the beach...she still wouldn't have to style her hair! Other people who don't care if her hair is styled and I'm sure would love to share the beach with her are the families of murder victims, rape victims, battered women, the homeless, drug addicts, the mentally ill, those nine kids whose Dad abandoned them at the hospital last week, millions of people who don't have water or food available every day, etc., etc.

People always have a fit when a celebretard supports a political candidate or shares their opinion on political or humanitarian issues...why isn't the opposite true? Why don't we get on their cases when they display a total lack of social consciousness, or for that matter, brain activity in general? I think these are the celebrities we should be giving a hard time to. go out and adopt those African babies. support your Democratic candidates. More power to you both! Thank you, on behalf of all Americans, for at least having a brain.

Post Script: after looking for pictures to accompany this tirade, I discovered who these two morons are, sort of. Apparently Omar Epps is that cute doctor on House. I guess he just plays a guy with a brain on TV. And he wears women's blouses (see picture). And guess who Taylor Momsen is/was...Cindy Lu Who in The Grinch. Wow, did she grow up stupid. At least she kept her wardrobe from The Grinch (see picture)..."Look, it still fits!"

Shoe News!

Sigerson Morrison is going to have a line of shoes at Target from October 12-December 26. The choices are FABULOUS! These are a preview...YUMMY!

Here is why I love Designers for Target and why you should too. Sigerson Morrison's "real" shoes run from around $250 to way over a thousand dollars. I don't have $250 to spend on shoes right now so, obviously, out of luck there. Morrison's lines have trendy pieces mixed with classic ones, I'm hoping that is what the Target collection will offer too. I'll update as I critique the collection.

Even though I'm sure these shoes will be uncomfortable and last only a few months (that seems to be the running theme of shoes bought at Target) they are cheap enough that I won't have to mortgage my house or sell prized belongings on Ebay for repentance that I bought them then proceeded to tear them up. These babies are only $29.99-$39.99, how awesome and ridiculous is that?!

Thank you Target. Thank you for not being Wal-mart but, most importantly, thank you for conning big name designers to make clothes, shoes, and makeup for you and selling them to me.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Sharon Stone's Son Smells and She's Not Taking It Anymore!

This is a GOOD one...according to People magazine, Sharon Stones ex-husband has alleged in court papers that she suggested that they inject BOTOX into their small child's feet because they smelled so badly.

#1. Sharon Stone is crazy. We don't inject Botox unless it is completely voluntary and/or required for a movie role and/or we are Barbara Walters.

#2. If his feet stink that bad, maybe we should stop fighting over custody of the child and get him to a doctor, pronto...there clearly are more serious issues going on with this child here than who he should live with...HIS FEET STINK. Geez, deal with the REAL problem here Sharon Stone.

#3. Maybe Sharon Stone should just inject Botox into her nose then she wouldn't have to smell her son's disgusting feet. She can schedule this for after she drops him off at his therapy session. Scheduling in this manner should give her lots of options.

Halloween Costumes???

Why is it that, for whatever reason, Halloween seems to make perfectly respectable women dress like prostitutes? There really are no Halloween costumes for sale for women that aren't too risque for Playboy! Why is it OK to dress in lingerie in public, look like a total moron, and suffer no repercussions? I don't understand!!!

I even found some costumes for "Puppy and Me" where you can dress your dog up like a prostitute too. That is not's just not.

It's already ridiculous when Bridget from The Girls Next Door (I know I'm developing a theme here) dresses up in little outfits for EVERYTHING (House Bunny, anyone?) but, let's face it, most people don't have her body or live in the Playboy mansion...the only two things that I can think of that would make it socially acceptable to wear these "costumes."

Why can't we just eat candy and worship demons like they did in the good old days? My apologies to Marie Antoinette, School Girls, and Candy Stripers everywhere.

Hef and Holly and Kendra, oh my!

Why, oh why am I so fascinated with The Girls Next Door? Is it because I'm totally jealous of the bodies on those girls...well, yes, BUT, upon further introspection, it's really like seeing a car wreck on the want to look away (OK, no you don't!) but you don't.

So, Hef (82) is no longer with Holly (28), girlfriend #1 who was formerly guaranteed 2 million in his Will (maybe should have toned down that baby talk before now, huh? You could have bought a lot of babies and husbands with 2 million Holly!). If I had to pay a woman 2 mil to be my girlfriend, I would feel bad about myself but that doesn't seem to be the case here...curious. Secondly, she-man, Kendra (4 year old in the body of a 16 year old) is engaged to, wait, here it comes...a MAN! He's a professional athlete too...does that make him gay? Being engaged, married in this case though does not preclude one from being Hef's "girlfriend." Actually, Bridget is at some point in the seperation/divorce proceedings from her first husband and has been since she moved in to the Playboy mansion. Also, Hef's still married to his second wife. Why can he get away with this but that poor Jeffs guy in Utah is getting such a bad name?

All of this came to light within the past couple of weeks and, wait, here it comes...Hef already has new girlfriends...twins. Gross and Way To Go! Are they on some sort of que system here? Does a list of who comes next actually exist? I want to see this list! Am I on this list? 2 million doesn't sound that bad to me! Actually, these new girlfriends have criminal records so maybe Hef's 'people' are getting their info from court records...maybe that's where the list is, in the 'fugitive files' of LA. Bottom of the Barrell anyone?

Why I'm Starting a Blog...

I want this to be a fun and happy outlet for me to share my PROFOUND thoughts on the world. No, really I have so much to say about pop culture and trends with makeup, clothes, hairstyles, and celebrities and not many people who want to hear them all, SO, hence the blog. I'm sure it will be sassafrassy and filled with un-PC comments, but, I say, if you've chosen to become a celebrity, then you've given me the right to judge you and generally comment on your lifestyle choices...HA!