Thursday, December 24, 2009

Take Care of Your Eyes!

For years, 5 to be precise, I have had the worst, most gross, issues with my eyelids. It's not all the time so don't think I look like some sort of swamp monster, but occasionally my eyelids and under eye decide to become red, swollen, flaky, itchy, scaly and just plain gross. When it happens it usually lasts for several weeks. I have been fairly successful at covering it up with makeup but I still know it's there and it's nasty!

I have seen a dermatologist, general practitioner, and opthomologist...all to no avail. I know what triggers it for me, all Clinique mascaras and benzoyle peroxide. If I even look at benzoyle peroxide my eyes immediately swell shut and look like an alligator handbag. The following were recommendations that didn't work and/or hurt like hell: cortisone cream (temporarily reduces puffiness and redness but HURTS!), eye drops (nothing), sinus sprays/pills (nothing), and allergy tests (I'm only allergic to sycamore trees, which I think don't even grow here). The only thing that gave me even temporary relief from the redness and itchiness without hurting was Clinique All About Eyes. It is very soothing but doesn't help to clear it up, just temporarily relieves a few symptoms. Honestly, I can live with it now but I'm afraid that if it keeps happening I'm going to get some major wrinkles and that's just not OK with me.

I had enough of this mess and visited my new GP yesterday. She said that the low % benzoyle peroxide I have put on blemishes maybe twice in the last 4 months could have caused this the entire time! I should have known better. Salicylic Acid is a good alternative and doesn't aggravate my eyes. I have been using Clinique's Acne Solutions Soap just for fun for a few months and I am in love with it. My Dr. gave me such a good tip that I had never heard and it sounds kind of genius. After I wash my face with whatever I'm washing it with, wash my eyes with baby shampoo, you know the kind that is as gentle to eyes as tears. This way you remove all potentially irritating residue and it also helps with flakiness. I have used this method once and so far so good. It just makes really god sense to me and I wonder why I hadn't come across this tip years ago! She also gave me oral steroids to knock this out right now so I will probably gain 100 pounds in the next 5 days; but at least my eyes will be clear:)

I also read online about how products that contain NEEM are really good for issues like this. No, I do not know what that is but I bought some at the natural foods store anyway. It does feel soothing but greasy so I will use it at night. We'll see if continued use will keep this tom-foolery at bay. I also read that Egyptian magic was excellent for an issues like this too but I couldn't find any and anyway the pictures I saw of it has it in a super ugly package that I certainly don't want sitting on my vanity. Hopefully the baby shampoo and NEEM will fix everything right up.

Merry Christmas Y'all!!

Makeup Alley

If anyone hasn't visited, do so immediately! Not only are there thousands of reviews of makeup, skincare, body care, hair care, etc. but, my favorite part, there is a swap section. Here's how it works. You make a WISH LIST of cosmetics/skin care etc. that you want. You also make a swap list of items that you have that you want to swap for items on your wish list. There is an autofind and a reverse autofind feature that locates items on your wish list or people who have items on your swap list on their wish lists. Everyone describes their items in detail, some used, some new, then you just send an email to the person you want to swap with. GENIUS!!

As a former makeup artist I definitely had a few qualms about this in terms of hygiene. However, as long as you stay away from certain items, you should be fine as far as germs go. I would NEVER trade mascara, lip gloss of any kind (wand/tube), or any other liquid makeup unless it was brand new and never opened. I promise you don't want to mess around with those germs. However, makeup brushes, eye shadows, blushes, cream blushes, and lipsticks can easily be cleaned with a quick spray of alcohol when you receive it. Poof, no more germs! Oh, don't spray brushes with alcohol though, use a brush cleaner. Fragrances obviously don't pose a germ problem.

When I went through my quite ridiculously large inventory of makeup that isn't even on my vanity yet I found several eye shadows, foundations, foot soak (?, it's from Origins though), eye shadow bases, and just a bunch of other random things that I don't need right now and would rather trade for something I do want.

So check it out and Merry Christmas y'all!!

Sunday, December 20, 2009

My Christmas Wishlist

So, I clearly haven't posted in 8 months, woops! Now that I have a break and time to think about the important things in life (my skin care/fragrance/makeup Christmas list) I thought I'd share. This one might get long but I'd hate for anyone to miss out on some GREAT treats!!

- Lancome Blush: Shimmer Mocha Havana; I wear this over Tarte Blushing Bride = PERFECT

- Clinique 7-day scrub: I use this in the shower every day. It's amazing what daily exfoliation will do to refine your skin and stave away wrinkles

- Philosophy Amazing Grace EDP: sweet, soft, and YUM

- Gucci Envy Me EDP: for the sassafrass in fabulous girls!

- Vera Wang The Fragrance: I wore this on my wedding day, such happy memories. Sweet and innocent, just like me;)

- Benefit Georgia radiance powder (blush): perfect peach blush/highlighter. Perfect over Tarte Tipsy

- Sephora Collector's Edition Fragrance Sampler, for when I just can't decide! Juicy Couture EDP, Ralph Lauren Romance EDP, Marc Jacobs Daisy EDT, Givenchy Very Irresistible EDT, Stella McCartney Stella EDP, DKNY Be Delicious EDT...$75!!!!!

- Sephora Glitz & Glam Shimmer and Shine Deluxe Sampler: Tarte Celebutante Dry Oil Shimmer Spray, Smashbox Artificial Light Luminizing Lotion in Flash, Tarte Glam Gams, Tarte Lock & Roll in Bronze, Guerlain Meteorites Powder Pearls in Beige Chic, Tarte Cheek Stain in Eco-Chic, Sephora Super Shimmer in Desert Gold, Laura Geller Blush-n-Brighten in Sunswept, Smashbox Eyeshadow in 24K, Laura Geller Lip Shiner in City Lights...get ready, wait for it...$38!!!!!!!

- Dior 5-color iridescent Eyeshadow

- NARS Doe Lipgloss Trio

- Tarte Three Carat mini-cheek stain

- Clinique Blushwear Cream Stick in Glow Blush

Do I need any of this? NO. Do I want all of this? YES. That's what is so fun about Christmas, getting happies that you don't need but really want. I also greatly enjoy making online wish lists and generally end up with seven or eight different ones not to mention the individual items I email to various gift givers. To sum up my makeup obsession for the year in two words: shimmer and cheek stains. OK, I guess that's three words. I am all over shimmer powder, highlighters, shimmer lotions, and iridescent anything. Like my friend Holly said, I am like a magpie, if I see any thing that sparkles, I want it! I am also obsessed with cream blushes and cheek stains. My oily skin tends to push off powder blushes but when I put a check stain underneath I can created limitless custom color combinations and my blush stays on all day looking fab. Merry Christmas and have a beautiful New Year!!!

Sunday, April 26, 2009


For those of us in the white (florescent see-through) club, self tanners are a must. I can not even look outside without getting sunburned. Even when I bathe in sunscreen, which I always do, I also always have a strap that moves or a tiny spot on the ear that gets missed and ends up blistering. Considering my aversion to the actual sun and inability to get a tan, self tanners are my summer ritual. I, unfortunately, also have a problem putting tinted self-tanning products on. I always get tanned palms no matter how much I wash and I find it impossible to get the product everywhere leaving amazingly gorgeous white spots. A fun side effect of being see-through.

Considering the foregoing, I really like moisturizers that gradually develop a tan over time. I put them on at night and in a few days I can wear a skirt or dress without shame. When I do use straight-up self tanners, I always mix them with lotion which prevents tanned palms and it keeps my legs from going from a white factor of 0 to a tan factor of 10 which looks ridiculous and obvious. I hope we all know that tan legs look thinner and draw less attention which is always what I'm going for. one last important thing to remember, don't use cheap self-tanners! You WILL turn orange and look ridiculous, pretty much guaranteed. Some good tan-developing moisturizers to try are Clinique Self Sun Body Daily Moisturizer (comes in two tones which is nice). If you insist on using a self-tanner some good ones to try are Clarins Instant Self-tanning gel (the tint lets you see where it's being applied) and LancĂ´me Flash Bronzer Self-Tanning Body Spray. There are also some fun products that you can use in a pinch to get glowing like Tarte Glam Gams Leg Bronzing Stick and Michael Kors Leg Shine To Go


Adding shimmer can be a fun way to spice things up for a night out. We're not talking Bonnie Belle glitter here, we're talking finely micronized shimmer powders and creams that give a little extra glow. Shimmer can be added to the cheekbones, the inner corners of the eye, and the centers of the lids. I also like to add a little above the lids, about halfway out then frame the outer part of the eye to lighten up the area. Powder highlighters are best for the eye area and you can use either powder or cream for the cheeks. Some people use the shimmer on the middle of the lower lip but I think that just look tacky! Benefit (High Beam, Lust Dusters), Nars (The Multiple in Copacabana), and MAC (Glitter, Iridescent Powder/Loose in Silver Dusk) have some nice choices.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Sara Claire & Esther Trunk Show in Birmingham...better late than never!

I have put this post off for too long now but here's the exciting news...Sara Claire & Esther is having a trunk show in Birmingham! Tuesday night (4/28/2009) @ 5 pm, downtown at The Wine Loft. We can all shop their Fall line and pay wholesale...YAY! They will also have a few of their Spring items available as well. This line is gorgeous..."Vintage Reimagined" and we are lucky to get to see and buy a few pieces to support this soon to be well known and wildly respected fashion line. Check out my older post for more info on the line.

Also, check out their fabulous!

If you can't make the trunk show, here is a list of current retailers where you can check out the goods: (note the Southernness of it all, LOVE IT!)

Effie's, Tuscaloosa , AL
Savvy Rags, Gadsden , AL
We One You Too, Washington , D.C.
Chattabox, Baton Rouge , LA
Tuni's, Winter Park FL

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Lush...Fresh Homemade Cosmetics

OK, I have a new obsession, Lush. Bath & Body products made from organic fruits and veggies, all vegetarian ingredients, no animal testing, and all handmade! They have lots of different products but my favorites so far are the bath bombs and the soaps. The bath bombs are balls of yummy fragrance and skin detoxifiers that fizz in the bath...think alka seltzer. The fragrances are amazingly rich and also fun with choices like "All That Jasmine," Vanilla Fountain," and "Youki-Hi" (jasmine and ylang ylang). Some of them have treats inside them like dried flowers and even glitter! Might create a mess in the tub but definitely worth it! Talk about the perfect gift for all the ladies in your you Visit the site...order bath bombs...fall in love:)

But that's not all folks, they also have hair products and lotions (they also have skincare but we all know how I feel about Clinique, I'm not a cheater...), which I haven't tried, and handmade soaps, which I have tried, that I also love! The soaps are SO pretty, another great gift idea, and smell as delicious as the bath bombs. I tried the "Honey, I Washed the Kids" soap that has an amazing honey scent and soothes upset, sensitive skin like mine. There is another soap called "Porridge Soap" that I'm looking forward to trying. It has oats in it so your exfoliating and cleansing at the same time, got to love that, right?!

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Estee Lauder Free Gift

Just wanted to give everyone a heads-up that Belk is having an Estee Lauder free gift right now with any $27.50 purchase. It's a pretty good gift for the EL fans out there. The gift has a beautiful step-up bag and comes with two travel bags, a choice of lip-stick and eyeshadow shades, "Take It Away" makeup remover, mascara, and Daywear Plus moisturizer. Now I'm not the giantest EL fan in the world but their Double Wear Foundation is pretty awesome and their Pure Color Crystal Gloss is a favorite! Also, my favorite blush in the ENTIRE world comes from EL: Peach Nuance Tender Blush. Any fair skinned ladies out there, I recommend it highly!

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Favorite Perfumes

I LOVE PERFUME! I love all kinds. I love smelling delicious. I love the cutie bottles. I love everything about it! Here are some of my favorites, directly from my Sephora "My Favorites" list.

  • Armani Codee Pour Femme: fruity but still rich with a bit of woody and vanilla undertones...YUM! Per Sephora it's Fresh. Sexy. Feminine.
  • Juicy Couture: fruity, again, but with rose undertones...YUM! Per Sephora it's Flirtatious. Romantic. Precious.
  • Gucci Envy Me: floral, peppery, musky...YUM! Sephora says it's Daring. Sexy. Arresting.
  • Yves Saint Laurent Baby Doll: an oldie but a goodie! Warm floral...YUM! Per Sephora it's Precocious. Beautiful. Enthralling.
  • Lacoste Touch of Pink: Herby, vanilla, rich and warm...YUM! 3 useless adjectives from Sephora: Whimsical. Daring. Captivating.
  • Philosophy Amazing Grace: graceful and clean!
  • Estee Lauder Pleasures Delight: near Perfection!!!!
  • Tiffany's Sheer Tiffany (PERFECTION!) hurts me to talk about this but I'll see if I can try. It was discontinued a long time ago but it's the best fragrance I've ever smelled in my life! I LOVE Sheer Tiffany. Sometimes I smell the remnants of my empty bottle and want to cry...well, maybe not that dramatic but I love it and am SO sad it's gone forever. I don't want to be mad at Tiffany's but I AM! How could they do this to me?! While I love these other fragrances nothing can stand up to this one!

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Taco Bell...a Classy Establishment

True story...yesterday I popped in to Taco Bell to get my usual 8 Weight Watcher's point bean burrito and Diet Pepsi. I had to wait forever and while I was waiting there was an unfortunate looking woman getting a drink running around like a chicken with it's head cut off! Understandably, I kept my distance. A construction working gentleman went up to the drink machine and was staring, like everyone else in the place, at the unexplainable craziness. It was shortly explained. The woman leaned over the the construction worker and said something along the lines of, "my meth high is wearing off." Not that this alone is not an amazingly hilarious story but here's the best part...the man leaned over to her and said "me too." I kid you not, I saw this with my own eyes and heard it with my own ears. Classy...only at Taco Bell (well, maybe at Captain D's too.)

Saturday, March 21, 2009

The Twilight Obsession Continues...

Today's the day, the day that Twilight comes out on DVD. Are we all celebrating? I'm salivating, does that count? I hurried my little self to Target to pick up the 18 disk special feature galore super-fest edition this morning and snagged the last one (OK, there were about 200 still left but it's so much more dramatic if I had to wrestle a small child to the ground for Edward...I'll do it, trust me). OK, let's be honest here, Twilight sucks. Every thing about it sucks but it just so happens that the most perfect character in the history of "literature" appears in interesting concept. The books are so predictable and poorly written and the movie is almost as bad...spider-monkey anyone? yet I keep reading, watching it. It IS like my own personal brand of heroin! Until I watched the movie again I didn't realize how dreamy Carlisle was...Edward #2 perhaps. If it weren't for that pesky Edward Cullen I wouldn't have anything to do with this pop-culture non-sense that is Twilight but I can't help it, I LOVE him. I really do, like I LOVE Colin Firth, Alan Rickman, and James McAvoy...true love. Although the previous three happen to be real and Edward Cullen happens not to be...hmmm. I will watch this mediocre movie and read of Isle Esme until this deep obsession passes.

Note: I am not 13. I am a fully grown, professional woman with a doctorate degree. Is there a problem with me or with Twilight?

Friday, March 20, 2009

The Best Clinique Lip Looks

It is no secret that I adore most things Clinique, especially their lip liners, lipsticks, and glosses. I thought I'd do a public service and list some of my favorite combos. I am never without a liner and combine it with either just a lipstick or just a gloss or using both.

Bright Pink: Crushed Berry Liner, Raspberry Glace Lipstick, Watermelon Lipstick, Extreme Pink Lipstick, Raspberry Superbalm, Cabana Crush Long Last Glosswear SPF 15

Subdued Pink: Soft Rose Liner, Bamboo Pink Lipstick, Bamboo Pink Long Last Glosswear SPF 15, Apricot Superbalm

Non-obnoxious Red: Deep Red Liner, Angel Red Lipstick, Red-y To Wear Lipstick, Juicy Apple Long Last Glosswear SPF 15

I've already written an entire entry about my obsession with nude lips...I LOVE LIP COLOR!!!

Friday, February 27, 2009

Why Didn't I Marry Russel Simmons?

I should have gone into the business of marrying ridiculously rich men, having lots of their children, then divorcing them! Russell Simmons and Kimora Lee Simmons (that moron who's friends with Tyra Banks, honestly, I don't know what she does...oh yeah, that stupid ugly clothing line Baby Phat) divorce was finalized yesterday. He will pay her $40,000/month in "child support" (seriously!) and, this is the best part, he has to buy a vehicle worth at least $60,000 every three years until his children are 16! Why, oh, why didn't I marry him when he asked!?!?!?!

Midnight Sun

Now I've never done crack but I imagine it to be very much life reading the Twilight series. I sped through the first book and was hooked (first one's always free!..I borrowed it from a friend). Then I trudged through New Moon and Eclipse which both were painful reads. Stephanie Meyer has come up with a very addictive story but the writing leaved much to be desired. Perhaps she's writing for a strictly teenage audience but I would think that JK Rowling would have been too and her writing doesn't seem simplified and predictable like the second and third Twilight books were. After reading New Moon I didn't think it could get worse but the whole Jacob addition and exploration in Eclipse was ridiculous...I literally could not care less about that story line. Meyer created the perfect character in Edward and trying to create a foil for him just seems pointless.

That being said, Breaking Dawn was one of the most satisfying books I have ever read. Having been teased for three books I was ready for all the action in BD. It's like clean vampire porn...interesting turn of phrase but true! I have read the good parts over and over again. In my book Stephanie Meyer has redeemed herself for the ridiculousness of New Moon and Eclipse in Breaking Dawn, totally worth it!

If you don't know, there has been a big giant controversy with the fifth book, Midnight Sun. There were very few unfinished, unedited copies distributed and they were, of course, leaked online and Stephanie Meyer went nuts! Although I don't blame her, I would have too! She was "over" the project and at one point said it was on hold indefinitely. Let me just say, I can't handle that! I did read, however, that she has reconsidered and Midnight Sun is her next's hoping. Here's why I REALLY love Stephanie Meyer, to answer all the hub-bub she posted the incomplete manuscript on her website so fans wouldn't be tricked by impostors. Thank you Stephanie Meyer!!! Midnight Sun is a rewriting of Twilight from Edward's perspective. I have read around 100 pages of it and it is YUMMY! I'm sure I will finish it this afternoon. I hate reading online but I don't mind making an exception for this! Please Stephanie Meyer...finish Midnight Sun and rewrite all the books from Edward's perspective. You can go ahead and leave Jacob out one cares!

The Changeling

SPOILER ALERT...I'm going to talk about details! WOW, I watched The Changeling a few days ago and am still thinking about it. Angie Jo said in an interview that if it wasn't a true story no one would believe it and I completely agree. About thirty minutes in I told my husband that it was the most gripping story I'd come across in a long time. Amazing!!! A changeling is traditionally a child believed to have been exchanged by fairies for the parents real child, except in this case it was the LAPD, not fairies...I won't even go there! After I watched the movie I read online to find out more about the true story which I actually think is a bit more intriguing that the movie portrays.

Gordon Northcott, the serial killer that, is seems, most likely killed Walter Collins, didn't have the exact relationship with his cousin as portrayed in the movie. Actually the cousin character was his nephew whom he and his mother kidnapped from Canada, sexually abused, held prisoner, and made him participate in the murders. Under oath Mrs. Northcott claimed that she was not Gordon's mother but really his grandmother...the result of incest between her husband and her daughter although the daughter denies any incest. Both Mrs. Northcott and Gordon at one time or another confessed to the murder of Walter Collins but both also recanted that confession. I wonder why the mother wasn't included in the film? It makes the serial killings even more sadistic that a mother and son were participating in them together and I think would have added even more dimension to this movie.

Many online reviewers spoke of their disdain for Angie Jo (I didn't know so many people hated her!) but after seeing her in Girl, Interrupted, I can't ever question her acting abilities. Many of the reviewers said that her lips were so big that they were distracted throughout the entire movie. Isn't it funny that someones lips can be so big that many different people can not enjoy a film because of it? Didn't bother me though. What did bother me, just slightly, was her emotional range in the movie. There seemed to be a level 1 and a level 10 for 99% of the movie, incredible extremes, with very few in between moments. It made for a roller coaster experience more than a progression which was a bit tiring after a while.

Despite my few concerns with the acting though, the story was so compelling and intriguing that it sucked me in. I wish I had discovered this story, this would have made a great History Dissertation!

Sunday, February 22, 2009

A Few Thoughts on the Oscars...

As I'm crying now with the format of the Best Supporting Actress winner Penelope Cruz who looks AMAZING!!! I have to put in a few thoughts. Plus, let me get in there that Hugh Jackman is the best host EVER! That opening was delicious, hilarious, and completely charming!

Angie's emerald's OMGOSH, I hope I get a closer look later. And what a surprise, she was wearing black. Newsflash's getting old! Apparently SJ Parker thought this was costume party and dressed up as Glinda the Good Witch. It hurts me to say that about SJP but seriously! And who knew that Survivor was having a celebrity edition starring Amy Adams? Not me! Why the necklace Amy...WHY???

Let's talk about age inappropriateness Miley Cyrus and Vanessa Anne Hudgens. MC looks like a mermaid ate a bunch of Swarovski crystals then threw up on her and I'm questioning if Charlize Theron could even pull off that Haute Couture VAH is dressing up in. Why is she at the Oscar's anyway? Wait...her performance in High School Musical 3 was life changing, I had forgotten...right.

Not that I'm surprised but I was again so embarrassed for Mr. Valentino, as I am every time he leaves his spray-tan booth, that he is now certifiably made of pure keratin. Apparently Sophia Loren has been sharing the spray-tan booth with Valentino. So unfortunate. Jessica Biel needs to crawl back in to the doghouse from whence she came...WOOF! It's hard to make her look good anyway but her shiny white dress isn't helping matters. Maybe she's trying to slip Justin Timberlake a not-so-subtle tip that she's ready to get married. Was Brittany Spears worse...I honestly don't know!?

Rob Pattinson takes my breath away. My greatest excitement of the night is knowing that he had taken a shower beforehand...I was really nervous about this but he came through for me, YAY! Mouth-wateringness! Speaking of cleanliness, Ben Stiller as Joaquin Phoenix was perfection, although he was actually more engaged than JP really was on Letterman, interesting. Apparently Adrian Brody is working on his own Joaquin Phoenix impression...gross! Speaking of Mickey Rourke...when they were yapping about his nomination I was looking to other way because I couldn't watch the tainted television then I truly realized the genius of this broadcast. The Oscar people sat Rob Pattinson right behind Crazy Rourke so that I could gaze into his loveliness while they yapped on and on about Crazy Rourke. Genius!

I would like to personally thank Natalie Portman for wearing a color! She looked lovely in pink and I really appreciated the fact that she wasn't wearing black or some shade of nude. That's gets old too! Even though I'm over the neutral colors in dresses this year, I'm completely loving Natalie's neutral makeup, she was perfection tonight! Another pleasant surprise was Alicia Keys in a gorgeous lavender number...loved it! Let's remember who we're talking about here...this girl is not a fashionista by any stretch of the word but some stylist somewhere made her look remarkably incredible. WOW!

Is Amanda Seyfried going to the prom later? Another question for her...are you wearing the same dress as Jessica Biel but in red? Both dresses are bordering on the ugliest things I have ever had the misfortune to lay my eyes on but the fact that they are so similar and worn by such homely actresses makes me giggle.

I AM SO MAD! I was excited that they were doing a movie musical montage until I realized who the talentless hag singing was...Beyonce...I quit this mess! ARGH, it's getting worse! The tards from High School that's why they let them in...ah ha! I also just realized that Joel Grey, my personal king of Broadway, had to have been backstage during that hot mess. Joel Grey, I apologize that you had to witness that...I apologize to myself that I had to witness that.

I wouldn't have thought that Queen Latifah and Reese Witherspoon would be in the same category in my stream of consciousness here but they do share a common thread on Oscar night...they both look like shiny gift-wrapped blueberries! Reese, what are you doing to me here?!!! I do want to put Reese in another category with someone else, that category is...dresses that look better from the back. The other member of that illustrious group is Kate Winslet. Kate wasn't horrible but better from the back (that's what she said! HA!). And Reeze, please explain the blue eyeshadow and middle-part in your hair...I don't understand. Seriously, I don't understand.

Best dressed of the night: Marion Cotillard

Worst Dressed: hard one to call...everyone wearing a mermaid skirt w/train...Tilda Swinton, Whoopie Goldberg (did she attack a cheetah on the way in?), Sophia Loren, Amy Adams (it hurts me, it really does)

Finally, Congratulations Kate should have won for Titanic!!!

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Maybe I'm Just Not That Into Him!!!

OK, so I somewhat reluctantly went to see He's Just Not That Into You tonight with a friend and it was one of the worst expenditure of 2 hours I've made in a long time. Not only was I offended by the title/plot of this movie but there were some fashion/makeup/hair choices I also just could not abide.

Plot problems: SPOILER ALERT! Where are these women's backbones and self respect? WHERE? Not in this movie, that's for sure! Apparently the message of this movie is that guys can dish out whatever they want, treat women/girlfriends/wives however they want and get away with it if the either a) love you, or b) marry you (with a few exceptions). I was waiting for some of these women to just let these guys have it but it never happened. V. disappointing. I was looking for some sort of "we don't need men to be happy" message but that must have been in another theater...maybe in Medea Goes To Jail. I also take offense to the title/plot because it doesn't leave any room for "the guy is retarded" or "the guy is lazy" or "the guy isn't worth being in a relationship anyway!" I take the point, I guess, but this movie seems to be doing a lot of blaming and finger pointing towards women and letting the guys get away with behavior, if directed at me, would induce a serious beating on my part. Perhaps with a baseball bat, maybe a metal one in a few instances. I just wanted to puke when Ben Afleck who's been acting like a complete a-hole the entire movie asks Jennifer Anniston to marry him and she gushes and says "yes" and the entire audience, save me of course, either giggled or cheered. What?! He's getting away with everything because he said "will you marry me?" That's crap!

Now to my real issues with the movie. Gennifer Goodwin, whom I usually adore, was her adorable self, even if her role was v. pathetic, but she was wearing purple nail polish the entire movie. Purple nail polish! I thought I was hallucinating at first but unfortunately no, I was not mistaken that she combined black and navy blue in more than one outfit...not OK. No wonder she can't get a guy!

Jennifer Connolly's wardrobe consisted entirely of button-up shorts under sweaters, with one exception, again literally the entire movie. OK, I get the conservative serious persona but can't we change it up a little, it's repetitive and boring! Along the boring conservative lines was also a makeup problem. They went a little too far in making it look like she wasn't wearing makeup that I really don't think she had enough on and she just came off looking homely, it was kind of sad because it's hard to make Jennifer Connolly look homely, although easier now that she hasn't eaten anything in several years...the girl is SKINNY!

Jennifer Anniston has her long straight hair (as always) in this movie but it is weirdly pulled back to the side with bobby pins and cutsie little clips in very strange ways throughout the movie...just one side. Couldn't we cut some bangs or tuck behind our ear? Why didn't they just give her a big scrunchy to tie the whole thing up with? If we're going to be tacky, let's go all the way! Also, getting back to the plot, I wanted to puke again at the NUMEROUS jokes that were made at JenAn's expense because she wasn't married or in a relationship. Get a grip people, are we still living in an age where it's OK to make jokes at peoples expense because they aren't in a relationship? I am in one and I STILL find that offensive. Probably hit a little close to home for her anyway!

I just realized everyone in this movie is named Jennifer (or some derivative thereof)!

Drew Barrymore continued her hippy flower-child nonsense yet again here. Lots of ridiculous braids in the hair and flowy hippy shirts and every word out of her mouth was just general ridiculousness! She also had this weird misplaced gay posse around her that I consider offensive to both hippys and well as gays! Plus, on the big screen her age is really showing...her skin looked HORRIBLE! I really wanted to close my eyes at the close-ups.

So He's Just Not That Into You...maybe I'm Just Not That Into Him!!!!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Yet Another Kitchen Disaster

Until recently (think rum cake) I thought that I was fairly adept in the kitchen I mean, not in the actual department at Macy's, I'm good there too though. Tonight I was going to try yet another culinary masterpiece for dinner. Yes, I had been gone all day working and schooling but, darn it, I was going to make dinner for my husband and myself. A friend (questioning this now:) had recommended a way to make omelette that was fool-proof (HA!) and delicious. Place the ingredients in a zip-lock bag, shake, and boil for 13 minutes. "Great idea" I thought. Little did I consider that I buy the cheap-o bargain bags at the Dollar General and that these might not hold up as well in boiling water for 13 minutes. Confirmation...the cheap-o bargain bags from the Dollar General DO NOT hold up well in boiling water. In fact, they don't hold up at all...they melt! I found this little tid-bit out when I looked over and saw/smelled egg/cheese water boiling over the pot all over and into my stove. AHHHH! I wasted large amounts of money-costing groceries that turned into a water/egg/ham/turkey/cheese soup because I was trying to "save money." When am I going to learn that "saving money" rarely turns out well?

Friday, January 30, 2009

The Master Cleanse

As I write this, I am just this side of death. I have crawled out of the house to take care of responsibilities today twice and crawled as quickly back to the couch as possible. This sad sad story is all due to THE MASTER CLEANSE, or as I'm calling it from now on, THAT DETOX THING THAT MADE ME REALLY SICK!

Per usual, when I heard that celebrities were doing "cleanses" I jumped on board without thinking, like I said, as I do with most things. If you want to follow in my not-so-fabulous-right-now footsteps here's what you do: 1) Spend $15 on the Master Cleanse book after looking for it in Barnes and Noble for thirty minutes, being too embarrassed to ask for it, then make your best friend get the twenty year old guy who works at B&N to find the book and tell you what a bad idea it is (note to self: do not underestimate the B & N employee's wisdom), 2) head straight to health food store and spend $35 on cayenne pepper, organic maple syrup, lemon juice, uniodized sea salt, and the value size container of herbal laxative (yes, that's what I said.), 3) proceed immediately home and take three herbal laxatives like the book says (container says to take one) and go to bed hungry, 4) wake up...use your imagination from here folks...drink a "salt water bath - quart of salt water and proceed...imagination again required, 5) feel weak and grumpy all day and drink lots of "lemonade" made with the maple syrup, cayenne pepper, and lemon juice (actually not that bad going in), 6) wake up next day weak, shaky, and unable to concentrate and head out of house, 7) think about McDonald's for an hour then purchase $15 of McD's breakfast, eat all within 30 minutes, and...use your imagination again.

I feel that there is way too much information in this post but I needed to get out in the Universe that clearly sanctioned anorexia is not for all people. I am going to embrace the fact that I am incredibly toxic on the inside, probably harbouring all sorts of destructive parasites, and that my internal PH is very acidic. I don't feel that acidic so it mustn't be that bad!

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Diva Alert, Diva Alert!

If you haven't heard, Patti Lupone is a hard-core diva. I knew that when she started her run in Gypsy on Broadway that Harvey Firestein would send her ridiculous back-stage presents (like a bouquet of cacti) to get her engines running which I think is hilarious but when she takes "it" out on the public, I have to call out the ridiculouslness. Please take the time to check out the following video. It KILLS me, one of the funniest things I've seen today! Also, please note the Juliard degree is in the field of DIVA...HA!

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Stacy Ferguson is NOT the Dutchess of York

If I were Sarah Ferguson, The Dutchess of York, ex-wife of Prince Andrew, I would be so horrified and possibly take legal action against the celebutard (in every sense of the word) Stacy Ferguson, i.e. Fergie, i.e. The Dutchess, for stealing my legally given aristocratic title and forcing me to be associating with such rubbish.

Stacy Ferguson is from the Black Eyed Peas, in case you didn't know. Still don't know? You may remember her as the singer who peed in her pants at a concert and continued singing. Oh the class. Sarah Ferguson on the other hand is a former princess, the actual Dutchess of York, and former best friend of Princess Diana...need I say more? I have been horrified by "Fergie" going by The Dutchess for so long now and I just can't understand how Sara Ferguson puts up with it. Fergie even has a song called "Fergilicious." That's not a word and it's not even a funny or cute made up one! It is just SO stupid I can barely force my fingers to fly across the keyboard as I write this. How embarassing for Sarah Ferguson, the real Dutchess. She is so classy and refined and Stacy Ferguson is, well, not.

Jeremy Piven is a Thermometer!

I'll admit I don't care who Jeremy Piven is or why he is appearing in my magazines but when you mess with Broadway, you mess with me too! The "official" story is that Piven had to leave the Broadway play Speed-the-Plow due to "shocking levels" of mercury in his system due to his sushi addiction. This is laughable on so many levels I don't know where to begin. Word on the street (which I find is usually correct) though is that before his Mercury OD he was bored with the show and looking for a replacement. So Jeremy Piven is not grateful for the Broadway show he gets to be a part of, is that it? He is so ridiculous! The main reason I'm writing about this silliness is a quote by the writer, David Mamet re: the Mercury "scare." "It is my understanding that he is leaving show business to pursue a career as a thermometer." I mightn't have ever heard anything so funny in my life. I have to see this play now, if it's filled with nuggets like this I'm sure to be laughing my butt off the entire time!