Sunday, November 30, 2008

News From the Land of I Think Way Too Highly of Myself

Rafaello Follieri, Anne Hathaway's former boyfriend does not like prison. Hmmm, what an insightful, well, insight Mr. Follieri. It's PRISON, not a private cabana on Ibiza! According to Follieri the Metropolitan Detention Center in Brooklyn is not up to his standards. "The food appears to be spoiled" and the bathroom has an "intolerable" smell. Additionally, the restroom is apparently rat-infested...HA! My favorite part of this story is that the warden says that he routinely eats the same food as the inmates and had never seen a rat in the Detention Center. Does this information tell us more about the warden of the Detention Center? Why is he eating inmate food, is it really that good? He couldn't make a sandwich at home with some unspoiled food? Maybe some peanut butter and jelly? Does the warden only get water except for tea or Cool-aid on Sundays? So he hasn't seen a rat, it's the small ones you have to be careful of....they are the ones carrying the plague! So there is plague in the Metropolitan Detention Center in Brooklyn...AAAHHH!!!! Look, I started a rumor, wasn't that fun?!

This picture cracks me up too, look how important he thinks he is!

There is some questionable lunch meat in my refrigerator and the cat's litter box definitely smells intolerable, can I get a transfer too?

Sephora Christmas Catalogue

Every year I eagerly await the arrival of my Sephora Holiday catalogue. I can always count on Sephora to fill the catalogue with happiness and joy and makeup! Not just makeup but expensive makeup, the best kind. The more expensive the better I say (when I'm under the intoxicating influence of the Sephora Christmas catalogue). The makeup on the models in the catalogue is intoxicating, I need to know who their makeup artist is, they are very creative! There are several items I am particularly excited about this year and I want to spread the love to those who aren't getting the Sephora catalogue (go to their website and order one immediately!)

This year I am so excited about palettes. I'm not talking a few colors in a compact palette but more like a train case filled with fabulousness...who doesn't want that?! There are two, in particular, that I am currently coveting, the Sephora Blockbuster palette and the Too Faced World Domination Tour Set. The Blockbuster palette has 84 eye shadows (!!!), 60 lip colors (!!!), 6 blushes and powders, and eye liner, lip liner, and 7 brushes and, here's the best, most ridiculous part, it's only $48! How do they do that? Not that I don't already have 84+ eye shadows but just the thought of having them all in one box is incredibly thrilling. I recently saw several palettes at the drug store but I know they are filled with crappy cosmetics, that is another reason I am so excited about the Sephora Blockbuster this year, I know that Sephora makes quality cosmetics that I would actually want to put on my face. I wonder how long it would take me to use 84 eye shadows and 60 lip colors?

The Too Faced World Domination Tour set is too cute not to mention. Where the Sephora set wins in the quantity department, the packaging is pretty no frills basic. The Too Faced set, on the other hand, wins in the cutest packaging EVER category. It looks like a music box from the 50's, complete with sassy dancer on spring at the top! It is $42 but only has 8 eye shadows, 6 glosses, 2 bronzers, and a few other things I'm not too excited about, but the box it's in completely makes up for the lack of cosmetics inside. I do have one Too Faced eyeshadow that I'm not in love with, but I am willing to give them a second chance, they have won me over with their packaging (oh, how easily I'm swayed!).

Sephora suggested it and I second the emotion that Philosophy has created the perfect hostess gift...the Philosophy Celebrate Bucket. It looks like a gallon of ice cream and it is filled with delicious shampoo, shower gel, and bubble bath in Pink Bubbly, Lavender Bubbly, and Pomegranate Bubbly flavors. YUM!!! Philosophy is one of my favorites and I love to share my favorite beauty products with friends. What better way to thank your hostess than this ice cream bucket filled with wonderfullness?! Philosophy has another set for the holidays that is filled with my favorite fragrance of theirs of all time...Amazing Grace. If you haven't smelled this one, I insist you get yourself to a Philosophy retailer immediately and sniff, you'll be totally addicted! There is a layering set for the holidays that includes a perfumed shimmer lotion (!!!), spray fragrance, and perfumed shampoo, body wash, and bubble bath. I'd layer this, maybe layer it twice!!!! Thank you Philosophy for making the yummiest bath products in the world, I am much obliged.

Maybe I don't even need Christmas presents, maybe the Sephora Christmas Catalogue is gift enough...oh wait, NO!

Monday, November 24, 2008


OK, I'll admit I had not heard of this until around three weeks ago but oh how quickly obsessions can develop! I read the first book and was smitten, I think it would be hard not to be. Then the movie. Left the theater approximately 1 hour and 20 minutes ago and I am still swooning. Edward was perfect...every thing was perfect...except Bella!

Could they have found a worse actress to play Bella? Possibly? Kristen Stewart...she looked and acted like a boy and is one of the worst actresses I have ever seen on screen. Also, I suspect her wardrobe was borrowed from a homeless person. It made Edward look stupid for liking her. Apparently her only asset is the way she smells but I'm not watching smellovision here folks! Honestly, she didn't look like she would smell that good anyway. My responses to Edward's swooniness in the seats of the theater were more authentic than hers were. I feel embarrassed for the poor girl at this point. It was like putting Zac Effron in Hairspray...can we say "out of our league?"

PS!!!!!!!!!! I just discovered through exhaustive Internet research that Edward, Robert Pattinson, played the hottie Cederic Diggory in Harry Potter!!! He was hot then and he's even hotter now! All of the descriptions in the Twilight book about Edward's otherworldly looks, how no human could be as beautiful as he is...Robert fits that bill plus some! I have a new celebrity crush! I will still keep my old celebrity crushes though, they are much older so I'm sure they won't mind. Do you mind Colin Firth, Alan Rickman, and James McAvoy? No, great! I'm not replacing you, I'm adding to your ranks, never fear, you'll always be my celebrity boyfriends. I also just realized that all my celebrity boyfriends are British. Coincidence? I think not.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

UGG Boots are the "Ug"liest Thing in the World

Good title, no?

There is a very alarming trend happening here in Alabama that the world needs to be aware of. First off, I must preface the UGG boots discussion with a brief note about Nike workout shorts. Since when is it OK to be in public in workout shorts when not working out? How lazy are you people?! They are everywhere, it's an epidemic. I thought that when winter arrived the Nike shorts would be tucked away at the bottom of a drawer but I was not anticipating the second disturbing trend of wearing these biking/legging things under horrible! "What Not to Wear," we need you!

Having established these disturbing facts, I can now bring us to the heart of the matter...UGG boots. Not that UGG boots are not disturbing enough on their own, but now they are being worn in conjunction with the Nike workout shorts alone or, if it's really cold, with the freakin' leggings too! People, do you not have mirrors, or mothers, or best friends?! Apparently not. But if not, why do you all dress identically in ridiculous clothes? Stupidity is not an excuse, you are clearly taking cues from those dressed equally ridiculously around you and emulating them. WHY??? I CAN'T STAND IT!

When I'm out walking I count the number of UGG boots and other various boots with jeans/tights tucked in, it's a fun past time. Once in a five minute walk I got up to 32 which I was quite impressed with. I should give extra point for wearing them with the Nike shorts. Perhaps I will print out some sort of Fashion Police citation cards and hand them out to all offenders, I wonder how that would go over?

I would like to point out another disturbing aspect to this very disturbing trend...we live in Alabama you morons...your feet are going to get hot!!!!

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

More News From the World of I Take Myself WAY Too Seriously

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen have a new coffee table book out called Influence. They interviewed designers and other who have influences (obviously) the twin "fashion icons." A label I completely disagree with. Since when does looking like a homeless person in both dress and body weight make you a fashion icon, because your flannel shirt with a hole in it cost $10,000+? I think not.

They are apparently signing their $35 book at bookstores, not sure how far reaching this is, but they have implemented some amazingly retardiculous rules for their book signings. #1 You may not speak to them. They will not speak or answer questions or, presumably even say hello. #2 They will not lower themselves to signing any of their other ten trillion products or items of memorabilia you spent you hard earned money on, only Influence. #3 The twins will not have their picture taken. You heard it, the children from whom you bought a $35 dollar book to sit on your coffee table will not allow you to take their photograph. Here is my conclusion based on these delightful rules. These girls are complete brats who, as my title implies, think WAY too much of themselves. A little humility here girls? Guess what, I don't have unlimited money to squander on sunglasses that outweigh me by twenty or thirty pounds and I still dress better than you do! Additionally, I will autograph anything and whoever wants to take pictures of me because I'm so fabulous is welcomed and I might even say hello! I might even consider not unleashing my body guards on you if you look me in the eye. Are they related to a royal family somewhere that I am not aware of? Do we have to back out of the room with our heads bowed so as not to turn on backs on or make eye contact with their majesties?

Obey these rules, or else! Ungrateful brats!

Sunday, November 9, 2008

The Creepiest Commercial of All Time

OK, I'm going to go ahead and call this one, the creepiest commercial in the world in for Enzyte: Natural Male Enhancement. Their "holiday" commercial has "Bob," whom apparently lots of rumors are going around about, dressed as Santa Clause hocking natural male enhancement. As the line of randy women quickly grows waiting to sit in Santa Bob's lap, the announcer spouts the following, incredibly creepy, lines. "The gift that keeps on giving" (gross!) "chubby Santa" (literally) "sack full of pride" (ick!). I can not get on board with a commercial that gives child molesters ideas. What better job than to be a mall Santa at Christmas, use your Enzyte, and have lots of innocent children sit in your lap? What a great idea!

Sunday, November 2, 2008

My Kind of Politician

I ran across this quote from Rep. James Traficant (D-Ohio) he to directed to the House panel that found him guilty of nine ethics violations.

"I want you to disregard all the opposing counsel has said...I think they should be handcuffed, chained to a fence, and flogged...And if they lie again, I'm going to go over there and kick them in the crotch."

I LOVE this...say what you mean and mean what you say buddy!

I think I'm going to print this out on cards and when I want to kick someone in the crotch I will just hand them the card that explains everything so clearly and concisely. He's right, lying IS bad!